Adult Slides to Be Built at Newcastle's St James' Park If Permission Granted: The Nightly EPL

It’s not an April Fool’s Day joke. It’s supposedly a real story. Newcastle United are looking into adding slides outside St James’ Park to speed up the exit for the Toon Army leaving the ground and heading to the parking lot and surrounding areas.

Somehow, I don’t see this fad catching on at any other Premier League grounds!

Here are tonight’s Premier League news headlines:

• Slides to be built at St James’ Park if permission granted — The Mail
• Rafael Benítez takes Chelsea players to task in training row — The Guardian
• Kei Kamara says having the chance to play in the EPL for Norwich is a “blessing” — BBC Sport
• Arsenal saw profits fall sharply to £17.8m despite selling van Persie for £24m — BBC News
• Arsenal financial figures show £120m in the bank — The Mail
• Uefa says no investigation over Luis Suárez ‘stamp’ against Zenit — The Guardian
• David Moyes says next two weeks will define club’s season — The Telegraph
• Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers in Rotterdam scouting trip — Sky Sports
• FA makes £150m pledge to improve run-down urban facilities — The Guardian
• Morgan Schneiderlin signs new deal at Southampton — Premier League
• Even if Michael Laudrup did go, it would not affect Swansea’s capital — The Guardian
• Michu assured Bradford players they wouldn’t score ’8 or 9′ after keeper sent off — Dirty Tackle
• Andreas Weimann unsure about signing new Aston Villa deal — The Mail
• Swansea City defender Neil Taylor set for imminent return to training — Wales Online
• Gary Neville was left baffled by QPR’ ‘unexplainable’ defending at the weekend — Sky Sports
• Chelsea potential fixture crisis if they draw with Middlesbrough in FA Cup — The Mail
• Arsenal closing in on second place? Not if Swansea have anything to say about it — 7am Kickoff
• Sammy Ameobi goes on loan from Newcastle United to Middlesbrough — The Mail
• Did Bould say ‘How many times?’ behind Wenger’s back after Villa scored at Arsenal? — 101GG
• After 3 months, Jose Bosingwa forgiven by Harry Redknapp — The Mail
• Swansea City captain Garry Monk says ‘rivals will use us as a model’ — Wales Online

The Nightly EPL is tomorrow’s news today. It’s often tomorrow morning’s British newspaper headlines that are published the night before. We do all the work for you, combing the Internet and aggregating the news for you. Read The Nightly EPL on EPL Talk every night before bed, so you can stay on top of all the news that matters.