Am I The Only One Who Can’t Win In Fantasy Football?

Okay, so we are pretty settled into the 2009-2010 season and I am, yet again, having major issues with my fantasy team. What’s going on? How can I have 14 points in one weekend? How can Michael Turner do so well for Hull and not for Sunderland? How, in the name of all that is holy, can my captain, Frank Lampard, not have scored a single goal this season?

These are the questions I am asking. I am no football “expert.” I am no professional fantasy footballer. But, I watch most of the games every weekend and follow Sky, BBC, Setanta, FSC, Soccernet, and much more all week long. I feel like I know more about the EPL than the average guy—whoever that is. Heck, I have played my whole life and even coached for nearly ten years. So then, why, I ask you, am I so horrible at picking my fantasy team?

Is it because I thought Lamps would have scored before now and give me some huge points total for some random week? Is it because I thought, just like many of the big clubs did, that Brede Hangeland would be a force like he was last year? No, wait! Maybe it’s because I thought, with the absence of Tevez, Rooney would score even more goals than he did last year.

It’s not the points that kill me in the fantasy table; it’s the value of the player. As of this moment Rooney has a good 44 points but he is valued at 11.2. Compare that with Defoe, who has a nice 35 points and is worth only 9.0. Surely that 2.2 difference would help out my back four so I don’t have to have people like Turner and Corluka who are worth next to nothing–and giving me nearly zero points! The problem is this: last year I spread the wealth around. I stayed largely away from the biggest players—I went the whole season without touching Ronaldo, Gerrard, Drogba, etc. I did pretty well but I was always getting beat by the guy who had Ronaldo as his captain or by the guy with Anelka, Torres, and Gerrard in his line-up.

So this year I changed my game plan. I bought Lamps, Rooney, and Fabregas as my “big” players and even had room for Bosingwa and Hangeland. After that, it was a tough search for value. This year Rooney has done well for me but the lack of performance from my smaller-name players has caused me to have an overall low points total.

Zamora, Diaby, and Cattermole just can’t make up for the 26 points someone like Torres would have gotten me if he was on my team and my captain this week. I won’t even mention Darren Fletcher after his two goals this week. I’m practically begging to find someone worth 3.4 who actually plays!

So, I am thinking of playing my wildcard and completely changing my team. But, I just know, as soon as I dump Lampard, he’ll score seven against Wigan next week. It never ends. Am I the only one who is this bad at picking his team? What to do?! What to do?!