Ian Holloway's best-ever quotes

Ian Holloway this week was in fine form as he hit out at Wayne Rooney for “bullying” Sir Alex Ferguson.  It’s just the latest in a long line of Holloway rants that have made him so popular amongst the media. Let’s take a look at some of Ollie’s best ever quotes.

Holloway describing an ‘ugly’ win for his QPR side at Chesterfield: “To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee.”

On Paul Furlong, his veteran striker at QPR: “Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.”

On a disappointing display by a linesman: “It was lucky that the linesman wasn’t stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.”

On his move to Blackpool: “I love Blackpool. We’re very similar. We both look better in the dark.”

On a Blackpool performance which was a game of two half’s: “In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can’t go on like that. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.”

On Cristiano Ronaldo: “He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his c***’s massive.”

On David Beckham getting a possible knighthood:  “Sir David Beckham? You’re having a laugh. He’s just a good footballer with a famous bird. Can you imagine if Posh was called Lady Beckham? We’d never hear the end of it!”

On Video Technology in football: “Why haven’t they got cameras? The officials can speak to each other easily enough now. Why aren’t we using laptops that are linked up and can give a decision in five seconds? A chimpanzee could do it – with not much training. We might as well go back to being cavemen, grab our girl by the hair, drag her into the cave whether she wants to come in or not because we may as well live in that age. We’ve come forward, haven’t we?”

On scraping a win: “If you’re a burglar, it’s no good poncing about outside somebody’s house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don’t advocate that obviously, it’s just an analogy.