Paris Saint-Germain Announces Partnership With McDonald’s

It’s not every day that you come across a story that makes you do a bit of a double take, but that’s exactly what happened to me when I found this article announcing that PSG have formed a partnership with McDonald’s. That obviously isn’t the funny part, we’ve seen fast food chains mixing with football clubs in the past. What really got me was the reasoning behind it and the product that is going to be coming out of it.

“To associate our brand to that of Paris Saint-Germain was an obvious choice for us, given how similar our publics are, in their diversity and their desire to experience strong emotions and share moments of pleasure,”

That is an actual quote by Fabrice Buisson, the director of McDonald’s Ile-de-France region.

Now, I’m not sure what kind of experience one has at a McDonald’s in Paris, but I assume it’s fairly similar to the one that I would have at my local McDonald’s here in the United States. The only strong emotion I have when eating there is overwhelming sadness and guilt knowing that my standard of living has fallen so far. But I imagine a supporter has the same feeling when they leave the Parc des Princes, the shame that they’re supporting a team that is ultimately going to contribute to obesity, heart failure and their inevitable death. The only moment of pleasure one has when at a McDonald’s is passing by a McDonald’s and thinking “Man, I can’t believe I used to eat there” as you pull into Taco Bell.

But that’s not the only thing that is coming out of this partnership, oh there is so much more. McDonald’s is going so far that they’re creating a meal deal called the “Menu Paris Saint Germain”. And in true World Soccer Talk fashion, we have an EXCLUSIVE look at what will be on said Meal Deal.

Now my French is a little rusty (I took it in high school, which clearly qualifies me to translate this secret document), but here’s what I’ve been able to decipher regarding the upcoming PSG Menu that will be available in 200 McDonald’s around the Paris region:

Chicken Sandwich With Douchez Sauce — It’s actually been around for years but nobody bothered to take it out of the box. It appears though that the chicken itself has been Pastore raised. Don’t look to much into that though, it just means that they let it out to run around for 45 minutes before putting it back in its cage.

The Cavani Burger — It sounds like a treat, served with lettuce, pickles, onions and a Blaisein hot sauce that will be taken out of the rotation around January when it will reappear in London.

Menez Chicken Strips — There’s even a chicken strip selection that allows you to order as Menez pieces as you want. I’d skip those though since there’s only one good strip out of every 6.

Thiago Silva Wrap — The wrap starts out tasting delicious but by the time you get to the end of it you’ll just want to kick everyone around you out of frustration for eating it in the first place.

The sizes of these meals come in Moura, Motta and Alex, which is curious because they discontinued the Super Sized meal years ago.

All meal orders will be taken by a man with a Blanc stare who will judge you no matter what you order and will be delivered to you by Zlatan Ibrahimovic himself and he will karate kick you in the heart if you don’t leave him a tip.

So there you have it, corporate sponsorship at its finest. We can only hope that one day McDonald’s will partner with some Premier League teams to help bring this experience to the English fans. Perhaps they’ll do it in London where every meal will come with you being racially abused by John Terry. Or to Liverpool where Luis Suarez will deliver your food already half eaten and then bite you when you ask him what the hell happened. It’s a wonderful world we live in folks.