Derby 0 – Manchester United 1 This match epitomizes the season for both clubs. Derby worked but weren’t quite good enough. United’s only enemy was their own cuteness. Ronaldo should have scored at least three, or more according to his own verbal tally.
Birmingham 1 – Newcastle 1 The result risked being critical, but little Mickey was there to muscle it back to mediocrity. He may have saved Keegan’s last silver hair. Not a win, but certainly a start.
Sunderland o – Chelsea 1 Leave it to the Dark Lord to plunge the Stadium of Light into darkness. So it goes for Sunderland. Keane should save some Just for Men for his beard.
Liverpool 2 – Reading 1 Matejovski’s strike was nice. Mascherano’s was spectacular, with a few tasteful “Fuck Offs” tacked onto it. Apparently, Dirk Kuyt played in that match.