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How to Solve the Issue of Too Many London Teams in the Premier League

london1 How to Solve the Issue of Too Many London Teams in the Premier League

I’ve spent too much of my 25 years in the States trying to convince Americans that there’s more to England than the great city of London. However, it’s quite likely there’ll be 6 London-based teams in the EPL next season. I’m presuming QPR don’t get relegated — which is unlikely given their new signings — and West Ham gets promoted from the Championship.

So that London derbys don’t become commonplace, and to prevent the EPL from devolving into the Londinium League, we need to set a limit of 5 London teams. I propose a London conference within the EPL with the bottom placed team being automatically relegated. Nothing else changes, three clubs will go down: the two non-London lowest clubs will be relegated along the bottom London club.

For those of you wondering: what if Reading makes the Championship Playoffs and gets promoted? I checked the map — they’re close, but outside the London Boroughs.

Given the attraction of playing in London and the flow of football finances to this mega-market, I doubt London participation will fall below 5 teams. But if it does, it probably means the North West is once again overrepresented. If this reality prevails, it will be time to invoke the Lancashire Conference, with the new relegation rules applying to Lancastrians… and so on.

That oughta add some extra spice into those stale and fruitless end-of-season encounters by teams relishing comfort above the drop zone.

The Premier League is remarkably successful but that doesn’t mean the world’s greatest sports league can’t be improved by employing conferences when a region is overrepresented. What do you think? Stupid idea? Bring it!

Speaking of EPL geography…

While celebrating all things Scottish or Welsh is encouraged, English traditions are often swept under the rug by guilt-ridden wussies. In their desperation for inclusiveness and political correctness, they’re all too eager to substitute British for English.

Being a soccer stud that came Stateside on a scholarship, the last thing I want to do is align myself with these effete elites. Nevertheless, I do wonder if it’s time to rename EPL Talk to BPL Talk — not B as in the Barclays Premier League, but British Premier League.

Historically, Wales has been referred to as “England’s first colony,” and it now seems the English Premier League is colonizing Welsh football. Indeed, the best Welsh teams clamor for the glamor of the EPL.

Swansea City FC are reveling in mid-table in the world’s most popular sports league.

Cardiff City FC, currently in the Championship, are perennial challengers for promotion to the EPL. Indeed, this year they are poised for the playoffs, if not automatic promotion to the greener pastures of English football.

Imagine: Swansea and Cardiff in the EPL; Now that would be something to BPL Talk about. Just as Wales joining England through the Acts of Union provided the foundation for Britain, the union of English and Welsh teams could transform the English into the British Premier League, or are we riddled with Cymrophobia? (don’t bother to look it up. It’s a cool word, alright, but with an ugly meaning — antipathy towards the Welsh).

17 Responses to How to Solve the Issue of Too Many London Teams in the Premier League

  1. Mark says:

    No. Please, just no. Giving crutches and confirmed advantages to regions encourages less and less competition. The EPL is valued the way it is right now because every club strives to get into it and stay in it. If the non-London clubs can’t make it in, sucks for them. They should try harder. Personally, I don’t care where the clubs come from. I just want to see some damn good football and instilling crutches in the league will only encourage less competitive football.

  2. Mufc77 says:

    Get off the glue mate it’s bad for your health.

  3. EPLNFL says:

    Too many teams in London? Seems minor in comparison with the other issues facing the EPL. Yes, too many overseas fans careless about where in England the teams come but with 20 teams and relegation and promotion bringing new teams in every year it’s hardly a problem. A deeper issue is if the top teams from the SPL should play in the EPL. Pretty soon the topic of a Super League will come up again as it always does. Finally when will the topic of a the 39th game come up again.

  4. liminus says:

    No. It’s hardly difficult to imagine a situation in which this would become completely idiotic: All 6 London team finish in the top half, with say QPR finishing 10th. So the team that finishes 10th gets relegated. Ridiculous.

  5. Rich says:

    this has got to be the worst entry on this site ever

  6. The Gaffer says:

    Lads, it’s irony.

    Cheers,
    The Gaffer

  7. MD says:

    To allocate a certain number of teams to particular regions, you’d need a more closed system that resembles leagues here in the U.S. Whatever system you choose to allocate teams to a particular region, you’d run the risk of a team with fewer points staying up at the expense of a team from another region who’d gained more.

    Part of the appeal of watching the world’s version of football is the meritocratic way in which teams come into and fall out of the top flight. Keep it the way it is: where teams that earn their way into higher leagues stay there, regardless of where they’re located.

  8. trickybrkn says:

    7.5 million persons live in London.51 million live in England. 15% of the total population live in London proper. !4 million live in greater London. 27% of the entire English population. If anything, you should write how teams with lousy fan bases like Wigan in greater Manchester should be kept out. But, even that is not English football. BTW Greater manchester’s population is 2.2 million, there are 4 clubs in the top flight at present. 5 if you count Blackburn just over 10 miles from greater Manchester. BTW Greater Manchester is 4% of the English population.

    West Ham for example, since I know them best, are a London team, but a very large part of their fan base comes from outside the city in Essex. Is Watford a London team? Luton? MK Dons? Where do you draw these magical lines…. Then you have Birmingham. They have three teams, is that the limit? or is it two.

    The way football works is that it self regulates, Charlton goes up, West Ham go down… Its never perfect, but somehow it just works…

    as for Wales… I see in our lifetime the WPL & SPL merging with the EPL and creating a GBPL of 25 plus teams…

    anyway.. interesting, but no

  9. Simon Burke says:

    Irony or not, this is a shocking waste of time.

  10. CTBlues says:

    I think that’s a stupid idea, but think it would be cool if Celtic and Rangers could get the chance to play in the EPL.

  11. raok says:

    Only Americans can come up with such great revolutionary ideas!!!!!

  12. McGuire says:

    Utterly buffoonish article, very disappointing to see this sorta dreck show up on this site. This is the kinda thing that gets people from across the pond insulting us for supposedly knowing nothing about soccer.

    There is no grand conspiracy here, just good old fashioned meritocracy, the best teams are succeeding & thus get the best opportunities, no matter where they come from

  13. Anthony says:

    He’s joking guys.

  14. NSW says:

    Interesting ideas, Noel, especially about Wales. Look forward to your next post.

  15. S04th says:

    The Rhine-Ruhr metropolitan area (Dortmund to Dusseldorf to Cologne) is about the same population as the London metropolitan area and has 5 of the 18 1st Bundesliga teams this year (and will probably add Fortuna Dusseldorf next year). It’s Paris, the 3rd largest metro area in Europe with only one League 1 team, that’s the odd one out.

  16. Gaz says:

    Hey everyone,

    I think he’s taking a Modest Proposal route here by suggesting a ridiculous idea in irony.

    Understandably, it is very hard to determine that – I’m not even sure I’m right.

    Usually irony goes out of its way to go over-the-top. Like suggesting that we move the communities north or something.

    Regardless, I enjoyed it.

  17. dlink09 says:

    can i have what you are on buddy :)

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