How to Solve the Issue of Too Many London Teams in the Premier League

I’ve spent too much of my 25 years in the States trying to convince Americans that there’s more to England than the great city of London. However, it’s quite likely there’ll be 6 London-based teams in the EPL next season. I’m presuming QPR don’t get relegated — which is unlikely given their new signings — and West Ham gets promoted from the Championship.

So that London derbys don’t become commonplace, and to prevent the EPL from devolving into the Londinium League, we need to set a limit of 5 London teams. I propose a London conference within the EPL with the bottom placed team being automatically relegated. Nothing else changes, three clubs will go down: the two non-London lowest clubs will be relegated along the bottom London club.

For those of you wondering: what if Reading makes the Championship Playoffs and gets promoted? I checked the map — they’re close, but outside the London Boroughs.

Given the attraction of playing in London and the flow of football finances to this mega-market, I doubt London participation will fall below 5 teams. But if it does, it probably means the North West is once again overrepresented. If this reality prevails, it will be time to invoke the Lancashire Conference, with the new relegation rules applying to Lancastrians… and so on.

That oughta add some extra spice into those stale and fruitless end-of-season encounters by teams relishing comfort above the drop zone.

The Premier League is remarkably successful but that doesn’t mean the world’s greatest sports league can’t be improved by employing conferences when a region is overrepresented. What do you think? Stupid idea? Bring it!

Speaking of EPL geography…

While celebrating all things Scottish or Welsh is encouraged, English traditions are often swept under the rug by guilt-ridden wussies. In their desperation for inclusiveness and political correctness, they’re all too eager to substitute British for English.

Being a soccer stud that came Stateside on a scholarship, the last thing I want to do is align myself with these effete elites. Nevertheless, I do wonder if it’s time to rename EPL Talk to BPL Talk — not B as in the Barclays Premier League, but British Premier League.

Historically, Wales has been referred to as “England’s first colony,” and it now seems the English Premier League is colonizing Welsh football. Indeed, the best Welsh teams clamor for the glamor of the EPL.

Swansea City FC are reveling in mid-table in the world’s most popular sports league.

Cardiff City FC, currently in the Championship, are perennial challengers for promotion to the EPL. Indeed, this year they are poised for the playoffs, if not automatic promotion to the greener pastures of English football.

Imagine: Swansea and Cardiff in the EPL; Now that would be something to BPL Talk about. Just as Wales joining England through the Acts of Union provided the foundation for Britain, the union of English and Welsh teams could transform the English into the British Premier League, or are we riddled with Cymrophobia? (don’t bother to look it up. It’s a cool word, alright, but with an ugly meaning — antipathy towards the Welsh).

17 Comments

  1. Mark February 8, 2012
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