Football is not always a beautiful game; sometimes bookings are necessary. Thankfully, we’re on hand to keep all these bookings straight. There are 34 distinct offences that the DFB considers bookable. In their honor I’ve written this paean to the punished:
We are here not to castigate but to celebrate these masters of misconduct, ballerinas of bookings, pashas of poorly-timed tackles,
[ed. note: This continues on for quite awhile with plenty of mixed metaphors and the odd off-color Madonna reference. In the interest of time, we resume now at the end]
great gurus of gratuitous violence.
Whew. Yes, it’s the return of the coveted Stefan “111 Yellow Cards in only 370 Bundesliga Games” Effenberg Memorial Trophy!
Last yearare
3. Manuel Friedrich/Christian Fuchs, Leverkusen/Bochum, 4pts.
While these two have done enough to separate themselves from the throng of 3 yellow carders behind them, they haven’t done enough otherwise. There’s not enough to go on this early in the season to allow me to really choose one over the other. Both had a single yellow before earning an early shower with two more yellows in a second game. At the moment they’re just placeholders on the podium, at least until things clear up. The two players ahead of them, however, have rightly earned their positions.
2. Mark van Bommel, Bayern, 4 pts.
1. Fabian Ernst, Schalke, 6 pts.
Don’t be surprised to see the next edition of The Bundesliga’s Most Booked headed by someone who’s quietly been collecting a yellow every game or so. Consistent indiscipline is the ultimate key to success.
