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David Pleat: A shining star of commentary.

“A few South Americans in this Porto team. Three Romanians and three Portuguese. We should be in for some Samba action tonight”

“To be fair, he probably struck the ball too well” (on Frank Lampard shooting wide of the goal)

“A two-footed beaver of a player” (on Wesley Sneijder)

“He looks a bull of a defender but I have to say he’s playing like quite a cultivated bull at the moment”

“Craig Bellamy definitely runs faster forwards than he runs backwards”

“I think I’ll have to sit on the bench on that one” (when asked to pick a winner between Spain and Russia)

“Terry Sheddingham”

“Lovely cultivated player, or is it cultured?”

“No yellow cards yet, only mustard ones”

“He decided to go to Korea, probably because of the noodles” (on Gus Hiddink’s decision to coach Korea instead of Tottenham)

“Sometimes the cheapest corners can be the most expensive”

“There’s music playing” (after Portugal scored a goal)

“It was wild and handsome, high and handsome”

Pleat: “The Swedish only have ten minutes to do something should they want to stay in the competition”
Clive Tyldesley: “There’s still 26 minutes left of the match”
Pleat: “Oh dear I forgot to put my watch back to Swiss time”

“He’s a very young, fresh-faced player, well he’s not that young actually, 26 or 27, fresh-faced though, looks like he has just come out of college”

“With eight minutes left, the game could be won in the next five or ten minutes”

“They are trying to walk the ball in by heading it”

“They’re changing some of the midget gems in midfield”

“Isaksson’s not had much to do. He must be happy, he’s not been very busy and surprised”

“There we see the little man trying to scratch the big man”

“Daniel Anderson’s a little ferret of a midfield player”

“Sergio Ramos was an expensive addition to Spain”

“These wingers are showing great intervention in invention”

“Little wide outside right” (meaning ‘right wing’)

“Of course! Deco has got eyes in the back of his head…I forgot about that!”

“Moutinho using his weight there – all 5’ 7” of it”

“Republic of Czechoslovakia”

“The Dutch will be wary of the big lad pulling off at the back post”

“He’s got the world at his dancing feet” (on Christian Ronaldo)

“He is a good defender, a fish and chips man”

“Brian McBride is pound for pound as good as any of the top strikers in the Premiership”

“This will be the first time we will be two thirds of the way through the match”

“Ronaldo was coming in behind Ashley Cole there” (on Giggs; Ronaldo had supplied the cross)

“Great save by Michael Carrick” (on Cech saving from Carrick)

“And here we have a real movie star menace in that of Didier Drogba”

“What a swivel and a shot from Redknapp” (On Frank Lampard nearly scoring)

“I’m not too sure how much you get for winning the Champion’s League, but it’s definatly 10 million euro”

“If United get through, they’ll play Chelsea or Liverpool, in an all-Premiership tie, which is also an all-English tie, and also an all-British tie”

“Here we see Tevez’s little curly one”

“There he goes again, doing doggies”

“The ball is tied to his feet, but where’s the string?”

“Giuly’s only 5’6 he’s not very tall for a winger”

“I don’t know if that was a good bad one or a bad good one”

“Manchester should brush past Roma tonight but it won’t be easy”

“The Romans are now disappearing, on the bus, trains or where ever they live”

“There’s Jermaine Defoe, checking the weather on his phone no doubt…he’s a lovely boy”

Clive Tyldesly: “Well, we have a Spanish referee for this all English encounter”
Pleat: “Yes, well it is hot”

“Who’s coming off? It might be King, he certainly knows who’s coming off, but only Ledley knows for sure, so we can’t tell you”

“Carrick will be the deepest of the threesome”

“Statistics are damn lies”

“He had to cut back inside onto his left foot, because he literally hasn’t got a right foot”

“Martin kick-your-legs as we used to call him when he was playing for West Brom in the 80s. He went home, ate a few pies, and now he’s back and Spurs are grateful for all he’s done”

“He wasn’t really trying to score with that shot”

“Preki quite literally only has the one foot”

Clive Tyldesley: “This wont be United’s biggest win in Europe. They actually won a game 10-1”
Pleat: “I remember that as a young man, against Anderlecht, wasn’t it?”
Tyldesley: “It was in 1903, David”

“Robbie Keane does not miss. I can tell you now, Robbie Keane does not miss.” Following Robbie Keane’s subsequently missed penalty: “He usually puts it the other way”

“Marseille needed to score first, and that never looked likely once Liverpool had taken the lead”

“The pitch looks a bit like custard”

“I always thought Justin Hoyte was right footed but it seems like he has improved his left foot too. He’s played well at left back for Arsenal today” (commenting on the match where Armand Traore was playing left back and Justin Hoyte was on the bench)

“Dennis Bergkamp has been a wondrerful player for Arsenal down the years and I’m sure he’ll be a valuable member of the squad for years to come” (on Bergkamp’s career after his testimonial match at the emirates)

“No pain without gain”

“I would take advantage of this and make the wall stand the full 10 metres back”

“It looks like he’s pulled a rabbit out of the bag”

“To be offside there must be daylight between the players and there was a little daylight there so the ref has got it right” (on Joe Cole’s goal that was NOT dissallowed against West Ham)

”Ive just noticed something interesting, the left and right backs have both got long sleeve shirts on”

“Liverpool have got 9 games in the next 29 games”

“Of course, Steven Gerrard is one of only a few Liverpool players who never get left out by Rafa. And even he doesn’t always get picked”

“Giggs is enjoying himself in the middle of the threesome”

“Liverpool are sending a message to the Liverpools and Chelseas”

Clive Tyldesley: “David, whats your prediction for the match?”
David Pleat: “Good evening everyone, a lovely night for football”

Clive Tydsley: “If Babel had scored it would have been the quickest hatrick in champions league history”
David Pleat: “Was that in the uefa cup?”

“The sight is in end”

”Carrick has got all the ingredients in his recipe”

“Ronaldo draws a lot of comparisons with George Best, the incomparable George Best”

“Jonathan Woodgate is telling the bench that he can’t deal with the pace of Henry and wants to come off”

“The Greek commentators are going mad, and they’re standing in front of us. Sit down!”

“I feel like a drunken man who doesn’t have a drink. I’ve never known a Groundhog Day like this and I’ll have to go and see the film to find out what it’s all about”

“He’s a water carrier, a hard worker, a bit of a dog… a ferret”

“Bordeaux’s champagne country, isn’t it?”

“I think they’ll have to throw the kitchen sink at them now a bit. Maybe not the whole sink, with all the plumbing – maybe just the taps for now”

“He’s a local favourite, born and bred in Salford” (On Cardiff-born Ryan Giggs)

“They’ll be happy with that, but they’d be more happy if it went in”

“Zola’s got two feet”

“We are now in the middle of the centre of the first half”

“We just ran out of legs”

“At this moment there is not a problem at this moment”

“I was inbred into the game by my father”

“There’s a little bit of a South American touch, if that’s not Irish, about this European side, Portugal”

“That would have put the icing on his start”

“Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who’s facing him”

“He’s got a brain under his hair”

“And the steam has gone completely out of the Spanish sails”

“I’ve seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet”

“This is a real cat and carrot situation”

“Winning isn’t the end of the world”

“The man we want has to fit a certain profile. Is he a top coach? Would the players respect him? Is he a nutcase?”

“He hits it into the corner of the net as straight as a nut”

“Had we not got that second goal, I think the score might have been different. I’m not sure”

“Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them. But they may draw some. Or occasionally lose…..”

“A game is not won until it is lost”

“Stoichkov is pointing at the bench with his eyes”

“For such a small man Maradona gets great elevation on his balls”

“Our central defenders, Doherty and Anthony Gardner, were fantastic and I told them that when they go to bed tonight they should think of each other”

“There’s Thierry Henry, exploding like the French train that he is”

“If there are any managers out there with a bottomless pit, I’m sure that they would be interested in these two Russians”

A special thanks to the following fan forums that posted these: KUMB, WHO, Glory-Glory, TLW, Red Cafe. david_pleat_1001442c1

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  1. alan hirst

    October 18, 2009 at 10:49 am


  2. James

    May 27, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    Pleat is like a lovable grandfather, good knowledge of the game. Fluffs his lines and comes out with some hilarious accidental one liners. Bizarrly hes one of the very few good things about football on ITV

  3. leeroy

    May 4, 2009 at 9:17 am

    Sure he makes mistakes but his tactical understanding of the game is leagues above most other co-comms (Mark Lawrenson, Craig Burley etc etc)

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