Please contact the Lancashire Police at 0800 555 111 with any information regarding Burnley’s missing blimp, photographed here. Much like the Clarets’ recent home form, the aircraft has escaped Turf Moor, and bears a striking resemblance to Diego Maradona. Speculation persists that at this point, the Identified Inflatable Object could even have departed England, and is headed abroad. In light of QPR’s potential involvement, and the West London club’s ties to influential Italian families, you need not leave your name at the Crime Stopper’s hotline number listed above in order to protect the innocent.