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10 Reasons Why Steven Gerrard Should Join The New York Cosmos

steven

On Long Island, far from Manhattan’s bright lights, the new New York Cosmos may be gathering a glittering constellation of fading stars. Last week Real Madrid legend Raúl announced that he’s joining the club that already boasts his former Spain squadmate Marcos Senna. Now come reports that Steven Gerrard is considering crossing the Atlantic to play for the 2013 NASL champions. Gerrard, as captain of a Champions League side, is still in a prominent place in his career. This is as opposed to Senna, who came over from a Valencia club that was in Spain’s Segunda Division and Raúl, who just finished a spell for Qatar’s Al Sadd. So why would Gerrard even think about leaving one of footballdom’s most hallowed grounds for a suburban college’s plastic pitch in America’s second tier? Plenty of reasons actually.

1. With Liverpool he’s tasted every triumph save the Prem. In light of this year’s septic start, last year’s heartbreaking 2nd place finish (which was partially his own fault) may be as close as he ever gets. This year’s Champions League campaign looks cooked and besides, he’ll never enjoy a win as intoxicating as 2005. Why struggle to fend off Father Time’s crippling embrace in a country where you’ll always be compared to when you were in your pomp? Instead, he can maintain youth’s illusion by dominating lesser competition in Can-America just like former Prem compatriots Thierry Henry, Robbie Keane, Tim Cahill, and David Beckham have done.

2. But if he’s interested in playing in New York why not NYCFC or the Red Bulls? Well, if Sven-Göran Eriksson, Steve McClaren, Fabio Capello, and Roy Hodgon couldn’t master a midfield that contained both Gerrard and Frank Lampard, why would NYCFC manager Jason Kreis be able to? And as for the Red Bulls, while the Cosmos may play in suburban Nassau County, at least it’s not Jersey. 

3. Liverpool’s leaders are now of a different generation. Raheem Sterling is 19, Jordan Henderson is 24, and Daniel Sturridge is 25. Gerrard, 34, will find that his dated Austin Powers, Oasis, and Roberto Baggio references will go over far better with Senna, 38, and Raúl, 37.

4. How about swapping rainy nights away at Stoke City for balmy battles against the Tampa Bay Rowdies, Ft. Lauderdale Strikers, and Jacksonville Armada?

5. Merseyside may have New Brighton and a host of other somewhat scenic beaches but none can compare to the South Shore’s Jones Beach – America’s Riviera!

6. Sure, Gerrard won a treble in 2001 when Liverpool captured the F.A. Cup, the League Cup, and the UEFA Cup. But with the Cosmos he can go for a truly crazy quintuple by winning the U.S. Open Cup, the CONCACAF Champions League, the NASL’s Spring season, Fall season, and Soccer Bowl Championship!

7. If the Cosmos follow through on their proposed move to Belmont Park, Gerrard can join fellow Liverpool legend Michael Owen in the addicting world of thoroughbred horse ownership.

8. Imagine the hilarious clash of accents that would ensue if “Lawng Aylundh’s” own Mike Francesa had scouser Steven Gerrard on as a guest on his drivetime radio show?

9. Alex Curran would immediately usurp Abby Manning and LaLa Anthony as New York’s finest WAG. 

10. She’d also enjoy the sartorial splendors of America’s ninth-biggest mall, Roosevelt Field, which is conveniently located just up the road from the Cosmos’ home at Hofstra University.

Ok. You’ve got me. These are terrible reasons. Gerrard is as likely to come to the Cosmos as he is to walk across Stanley Park to man midfield for the Toffees.

But as an unabashed American soccer supporter I want to see as many legends of the game come to these shores as possible. And as a soccer-loving kid growing up in Manhattan, the Cosmos of my dad’s day was the club I pined for. The current Cosmos are in an incredibly tough spot. Last year, in their very first season, the Cosmos accomplished what the Red Bulls couldn’t in 18 – win a championship. But winning won’t be enough. Nor will Raúl be enough if he’s the last big signing. Next year NYCFC begins play in the City of New York itself. It’s where the Cosmos should have been playing from the start to situate themselves as the easy alternative for all the borough boys and girls who won’t and don’t cross the Hudson for any reason. So while we may not see Stevie G front-row at a Billy Joel concert at the Nassau Coliseum anytime soon, here’s to the Cosmos dreaming bravely and boldly.

Aram lives in Santa Monica, CA where he plays a balanced diet of handball, stickball, basketball, and Aussie Rules football when he’s not blearily catching Prem matches at Ye Olde King’s Head. He can be reached at @aghease.

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5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Aram

    November 7, 2014 at 11:21 am

    If not him, other stars will follow Raul and Senna.
    But I have to concede, their home situation is embarrassing.

  2. Aram

    November 7, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Nothing delusional about the title they won last year or the one they’re gonna win this year!

    • Tim

      November 7, 2014 at 11:17 am

      Im sure he really wants to play in front of all 3,000 people at Hofstra on turf.

      • jtm371

        November 7, 2014 at 2:30 pm

        Great point not the same Cosmos from the 70’s I saw them play.

  3. Mysterious J

    November 7, 2014 at 1:31 am

    If you like a club run by delusional people in a league run by delusional people, the New Cosmos are for you!

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