William Hold

Sorry Mum. Uh, I mean, sorry Arsene. Okay, this is getting ridiculous, and I don't even support Arsenal. Sure, publicly we talk about the Gunners's depressingly sub-par performance this season as a victory for parity in the Premier League. Privately though, like for instance this morning over a nice warm cup of coffee for what […]

Masal! Willifred the Destroyer is open! Manchester (AP) Manchester City, after failing to acquire AC Milan and Brazil midfielder Kaka for the proposed sum of a Gajillion pounds [Bajillion American dollars], are considering making a bid for former Arsenal target Masal Bugduv. Mark Hughes acknowledged the extraordinarily high fee for the non-existent Moldovan forward, […]

Back When it Was All So Simple Imagine for a moment you're walking through the streets of Manhattan on a lovely June day. You pass by a Nike store and notice a display stand decked out in a familiar claret and blue. Ashley Young poses next to January-transfer signing David Villa in a larger than […]

Say what you will about Maradona — he never put on a suit. Michel Platini on the other hand is on one hell of a roll at the moment. Earlier this week, he went off Arsene Wenger as if the man had murdered half his family, instead of appointing youngters to play at the highest […]

A while ago, an SNL skit featured an ad for a book that could get you out of debt and save your life. It was called "Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford." It's a book that the CEOs and owners behind Freddie Mac and Lehman Brothers, as well as Mike Ashley, may want to look […]

So, the shortish reign of Thaksin Shinawatra has finally come to an end. None too soon perhaps for Man City fans settling down to some Pepto Bismol after that ridiculous and probably unnecessary roller-coaster ride. While stern looking Premier League officials waxed on about 'fit and proper persons,' it was clear that the former Thai […]

Lovely Craven Cottage. The name conjures images of a county hamlet where you might retire after an afternoon of fox hunting and lawn bowling. Hardly the Gates of Hell for a club like Arsenal who have only conceded defeat to Fulham twice since 1966, a factoid repeated ad nauseam by commentators and pundits as Fulham-newcomer […]

With the 1.24 billion league matches on offer at Sky, Setanta, and the Other Ones, you can't really blame professional football announcers for over-relying on their trusty grab bag of football clichés. But now that John 'Motty' Motson has left for good, I think it's time to wipe the slate clean in English football. Here […]