Open Letters to Fox Soccer HD, Fox Soccer Plus HD, Setanta, ESPN, And Other American Soccer Broadcasters
Okay, I am officially ready for soccer coverage in America to change. Here are my gripes, complaints, whinings, and otherwise negative comments about the current state of affairs…
HD: Dear HD Gods, Fox Soccer HD and Fox Soccer Plus HD cannot come soon enough. I am sick of watching grainy, stretched, SD images every weekend and I will be glad when the beautiful game is actually beautiful on my HDTV. Seriously, I am typing a blog entry even though Chelsea are currently making Sunderland look like a U-12 girls team. If it was in HD, no one would get to hear how pissed I am about not watching this in HD.
Setanta: Dear Setanta, I hate you. For $15 a month, I get crappy commentary, even grainier images, horrible filler commercials with that horrible theme song you play every time with a yellow ball or yellow boots bouncing around. The worst thing is that the song gets stuck in my head all afternoon. I’d rather watch a Proactiv commercial on constant repeat. I cannot wait until I can call DirecTV and tell them to ditch you for Fox Soccer Plus in HD. I threw a huge party this morning when I read Gaffer’s earlier post about your death on February 28th.
Sylvania: Dear Sylvania, you are stupid. You advertise “the beautiful game in stunning high definition” on a channel that no one gets in high definition…yet. I’m sick of your commercials telling me to get your HDTV’s and Blu-ray players at Walgreens or something. My Panasonic Plasma HDTV is doing just fine. Shut up until I get FSC HD. Oh, and I will CC you on my letter to the HD Gods.
ESPN2: Dear ESPN2, Please turn on the lights in your studio so it looks like you actually care about covering the 7:45 match on Saturdays. Also, kill that ticker, you morons. It used to not bother me but now it does. There are no circumstances under which, during and EPL match, I could possibly ever care about who Tennessee hires as their next coach or what the score of any NHL game is. Get it right before this summer.
Fox Soccer Channel: Dear Fox Soccer Channel, I sort of like you and I will love you once you are in HD and give me Fox Soccer Plus in HD for a small fee every month. But, until then, can you please quit invading my TV screen with ads for Who Are Ya Designs and World Soccer Shop? Your ads at the bottom of the screen are even worse than ESPN’s stupid ticker. You squeeze the image so much that I think I need to rotate my TV or switch to portrait or something. Also, please fire all the Americans who work for you on-air. They just don’t sound right. Speaking of…
American Soccer Commentators: Dear American Soccer Commentators, Please quit now. I am American and I’m really sorry, but you just do not do a good job of calling matches. I seriously cringe when I hear you. Nothing personal, it’s just that you suck. Hooray for Martin Tyler this summer!
Glad that’s done! Now I can get back to watching!