An American Apology: Sorry for Ruining the Premier League

As we all know another Premier League team has been bought by another money hungry (Pakistani) American. So naturally there is a ton of outrage. How couldn’t there be?

Fulham, a club that has been English owned for so long before being acquired by Egyptian businessman Mohamed Al-Fayed, has fallen into the grasp of American ownership. So naturally when I had heard of such a travesty I was heartbroken, especially for the Fulham fans. Now they have to walk around with the shame that comes from supporting a team owned by Americans. Like a leper, they will be cast out by their fellow fans, much like what happened to the fans of Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool. My heart bleeds for these people. So I want to take a moment to apologize to all of the fans in the Premier League for the growing American influence. Time after time we’ve seen these American Owners come in and destroy these clubs inside and out.

To Manchester United fans:

I. Am. Sorry. I’m sorry that your club has been saddled with this horrible debt that has prevented you from being profitable. The debt brought on by the Glazers has kept the team from making marquee signings and achieving success on the field. Since Malcolm Glazer took initial interest in the club in 2003, you’ve only won the Premier League five times and only won one Champions League title, which is absolutely pitiful. The inability of Manchester United to buy players to help win ten Championships has been a cloud that has hung over Old Trafford since the day Malcolm Glazer bought his first share in the club. Sure the team has become more marketable and profitable than ever, but the lack of trophies domestically and in Europe is a HUGE price to pay to be able to pay the bills. Frankly I’m surprised they can even keep the lights on at Old Trafford. If only Ken Bates had taken the money he got from Roman Abramovich and used it to buy Manchester United. Think of how much better off you would have been. I weep for these long suffering fans. The stigma of having American owners has clearly affected the fans as well. Their ongoing protest against anything that has to do with the club has really taken a toll. We never see Manchester United on television anymore and when we do, the thousands upon thousands of empty seats is just embarrassing. I’m glad that those five titles didn’t tempt the fans to give in and come back to a soulless club.

To Arsenal Fans:

I. Am. Sorry. The rollercoaster ride that Arsenal has been on since Stan Kroenke initially bought shares in the team has been heartbreaking to watch. The fans, sitting on the edge of their seats, trying to figure out where inside the Top Four they’re going to finish has to be agony and something that no other fan on the Premier League would wish on their worst enemy. Never mind the fact that the team was already two years without a trophy when he initially came in. Or the fact that Arsenal is now one of the most financially secure clubs in the entire world. It’s the fact that the owner is American and top players won’t sign for Arsenal because of this. It’s amazing that Arsene Wenger, saddled with this burden, has been able to keep the team competitive for all these years. Relying on signing soulless no name mercenaries, who are the only type of player who can play under American ownership, to keep the club afloat. How Arsenal fans can stand to look at themselves in the mirror is beyond me.

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