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My Big Problem With Liverpool’s New Sponsorship Deal…

LiverpoolSponsor My Big Problem With Liverpools New Sponsorship Deal...

I have a big problem with Liverpool’s new sponsor. While I’m glad to see a deal that will provide the club with £80m over the next four years, and while the hope that new stadium plans and healthier transfer budgets will emerge gets me giddy… it’s Standard Chartered Bank… I can’t drink it during matchtime. It does nothing for the superstitious pubside fan.

Let me explain.

Liverpool’s outgoing sponsor is Carlsberg. It’s a beer. It’s not the greatest beer on the planet, but it is something I can latch onto during a match. It started at some point in the 07/08 season. Liverpool were struggling to find a goal. A friend in the pub where we watch jokingly scolded me for drinking Guinness instead of Carlsberg. “Think of the next transfer window! Support your team!” he cried. I ordered a Carlsberg. Liverpool scored. I ordered another. Liverpool scored another.

Well, the goals didn’t actually come as my drink landed in front of me each time, but it was close enough to turn this into a ritual. When Liverpool were struggling, I would switch to Carlsberg. It didn’t mean goals on every occassion but it became a source of comfort to me. Having a specific thing to turn to helped me cope with the dry spells – so to speak.

So what am I to do with Standard Chartered Bank? Open a savings account every time Liverpool can’t score? Liquidate some assets? No help at all. Still. It could have been worse…

Worse Sponsorship Choices for the Superstitious:

AIG – I’d have to get myself bailed out by the US government every time Liverpool can’t find a goal. No good…

Fly Emirates – I’d have to fly to Dubai every time. I don’t know anybody in Dubai and also I’d miss a lot of matches. Next…

Samsung – Buy a new stereo. I love music but this could quickly get out of hand. The two stereos in my current apartment are quite enough, thank you…

Reebok – Buy a new pair of trainers every time. I also love shoes. But I’d quickly run out of closet space…

Crown Paint – Paint the inside of the pub. The pub’s owner would get irritated as I’d surely mess up the trim while trying to keep up with the match. And a Torres scorcher would result in paint flung all over his paying customers…

32Red – Many gambling sites to choose from. This one would be the obvious choice for the Reds. But I can’t gamble away my money every time Liverpool need a goal. Might as well blow it on drink…

Famous Grouse – Or any other hard liquor. It is bad enough inhaling three Carlsbergs in a flailing half. If I down three whiskies (especially in my tense quick-sip mode) I’ll quickly be done for…

On the other hand…

Good Sponsorship Choices for the Superstitious:

Guinness – Can’t go wrong with the beer ritual and Guinness has always been a favorite. Watching most of the matches in an Irish pub, there’s plenty of Guinness handy, and since it is low in alcohol I’ll remember who I am after a tense outing…

Stella – Again with the beer theme and Stella is a much better lager than Carlsberg. I also would enjoy doing my Marlon Brando Streetcar Name Desire impression by yelling “Stella!” several times throughout a match…

Acorns (or Unicef) – I admire Villa and Barcelona for using their kits to promote these charities. If Liverpool had a charity on the kits, I would happily make a donation whenever we need a goal…

Naked Women – I’ve never seen this as a sponsor, but it’s worth a try. Without going into too much detail, I’d love to have to find a naked woman everytime Liverpool are in a slump. Might help with my own slumps as well. Not as gallant as choosing Acorns or Unicef, but I must admit this is my favorite plan…

Naked women probably won’t give Liverpool £80m over the next four years, but they would still – in their way – help bring in eager young players. Besides, it’s not always about the money. So somebody get Christian Purslow on the phone, quick! If the ink’s not dry on the Standard Chartered thing, we’ve got a winner!


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