Adventures in the Fantasy Premier League, Gameweek 27

A little late this week, but here are my notes and observations from gameweek 27 in the Fantasy Premier League:

Americans! In the Premier League! Brek Shea (5.0) made his Stoke debut in a game that I imagine most of you didn’t bother getting up for. There are, after all, more important things in life than Fulham vs. Stoke, and sleep is one of them. If you live on the West Coast and watched this game live, I admire you, but you should probably get some help. In case you didn’t watch, I can tell you that Shea was intermittently effective, pinging the occasional cross, flashing the occasional Mohawk. Matthew Etherington (5.9) and Jermain Pennant (5.0), fantasy stalwarts in the past, haven’t done a whole lot this season, so Shea might get some serious playing time.

Figueroa scores from close range (and FRANCO DI SANTO plays a clever pass): Everyone remembers Maynor Figueroa’s (4.3) 60-yard goal against Stoke. In fact, that clip is pretty much the sum total of Figueroa’s Premier League career. There’s a reason Wigan defenders don’t get much love in fantasy-football columns, so while I’m a huge fan of long-range golazos and sexy Di Santo (5.3) assists (Di Santo somehow ended up on my fantasy team and I haven’t gotten round to selling him), we should all give the Figueroa bandwagon a wide berth. For the record, there never was a Di Santo bandwagon; I bought him because, well…get back to me later.

Holy: Romelu Lukaku’s (6.5) second goal against Sunderland may well be the coolest thing I have ever seen on a football pitch. Yup, right up there with Dimitar Berbatov’s (6.8) very existence. It’s kind of appalling that Shane Long sometimes starts ahead of Lukaku.

Arsenal won a game: And Santi Cazorla (9.1) scored twice; he’s now just six points off Juan Mata’s league-leading tally. New signing Nacho (!) Monreal (5.5) set up Cazorla’s winner, but Arsene Wenger still looks like his hamster just died. Which is a shame, because for a long time Arsenal was synonymous with joy and beauty, Cesc Fabregas and pizza. I blame the raincoat.

You thought you were off the hook…: Sometimes, extremely talented footballers – and anyone who plays in the Premier League is extremely talented — do extremely stupid things. Gus Hooiveld (4.0), welcome to EPL Talk. I love this guy. Hooiveld no longer has a negative points tally, but he does have a hilarious collection of own goals. Sure, this weekend’s Moment Of Madness was unlucky, but when your name’s Gus Hooiveld, stuff happens.

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