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Why It May Be Your Girlfriend's Fault Your Team’s Star Striker Can’t Score At Home

Wembley Stadium Chelsea v Manchester United Community Shield 08/08/2010 John Terry (Chelsea) Wayne Rooney (Manchester United) Photo Roger Parker Fotosports International Photo via Newscom

Wayne Rooney and John Terry are no strangers to negative gossip media, but do not blame them, it is not their fault

It seems impossible now to go more than a few weeks without a media story breaking that exposes the alleged infidelity, criminality or immorality of a Premiership footballer.

Whilst in a utopian society every individual would subscribe to the narrow excuse for hypocritical morality prescribed in today’s modern media, this in reality cannot be held true for even the most noble of professions, let alone that of professional footballer.

Therefore it is both worrying and frustrating that in recent years the actions of footballers are as likely to adorn the front pages as they are the back of many of the most read British publications.

In previous generations no one seemed to give a damn what footballers got up to after the final whistle, players would go out and drink, womanise and misbehave with carefree abandon.

In these times a professional footballer would only have to convince his wife and not the public that the girl he was spotted kissing in a nightclub was just his friend or that she should take antibiotics because you ‘can never be too careful with your health’.

A time when being a little rough around the edges was acceptable both on and off the pitch, when shirts were pulled, tackles were full blooded and diving was something that belonged in the swimming pool.  A time when the night before a match could involve a threesome or a bar crawl and a hangover was all part of the pre match routine.

However now the boundaries between on and off the pitch problems are blurred, fed by the predominantly female demand for ‘gossip’ media the private lives of footballers are open to the public. This is particularly true for those who go out with the type of woman who sees footballers as a path to their own fame and fortune.

This publicity crosses over from the gossip magazines to the terrace with the hypocritical taunts of opposition supporters who conveniently chastise the behaviour of opposition players, whilst ignoring the behaviour of their club’s players when crafting terrace taunts.

This cross over can in some instances cross over and affect performance or even selection decisions, it is still a year since the John Terry saga, in which a personal problem could have been settled in house seeped into the media fuelling the flames and speculation

Maybe this is a sign of the times; I still believe that thirty years ago any differences would have been settled between the two players on the training ground with the only publicity being curiosity to how John Terry injured his eye.

Footballers are not perfect and football fans know this and to be honest the majority do not care, supporters do not idolise footballers for their personal attributes, they idolise their skill and passion for the game.

The example for this is George Best, a man who despite his talents was regarded by many as a womanising alcoholic. However it was his prestigious talent  that people focussed upon and although his off field activities were reported, it was his football that people wanted to see, his football that made him famous and his football that will be remembered for decades to come.

The irony is that this media attention is not driven by those who watch football at all; it is more likely to be their wives and girlfriends providing the demand that fuels the ‘celebrity’ status of footballer’s wives and girlfriends that in turn makes the actions of footballer’s front and back page news.

In short football fan WAGs have helped create the beast that is the footballer WAG and the tangled web that this encompasses.

Therefore in future when a story breaks that attempts to shame a footballer, for being weak and unable to resist the 36DD glamour model that was offered to him on a plate or dare I say it for a fee,

I urge you not to blame the player, blame your girlfriend

The next time the striker in the team your support seems distracted by something outside of football and fluffs an easy chance in front of goal,

Don’t blame him, blame the media.

After all if she didn’t buy the magazines that probably exposed his cheating, he would still be a wholesome family man scoring both home and away, whilst his wife or partner would be none the wiser and everyone would be happy.

I mean ok, no one wants their player to be breaking the law or cheating on the mother of their children. As no one wants them to miss matches as they have a court date, or have to babysit the kids as the onlyday they could get custody was Saturday afternoons.

But no one is perfect and with a bottomless pit of money, poor advice and endless amounts of time players are going to make mistakes and that’s just the intelligent ones let alone the players who think that you can fail an IQ test.

So remember in future, don’t let the media fool you, it’s not the player’s fault he can’t keep it in his trousers it is the media’s fault for bringing it your attention, oh and I suppose for letting his wife know.


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  1. Susan

    September 29, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    I take offense at this.

    I do not subscribe to, or do I read any of the gossip magazines. Thank you for, once again, degrading a woman’s right to support and enjoy professional sports.

    Yes, I do find the players attractive. But there is a reason I watch football and not stare at runway models. I enjoy the game.

    Personally, I wish they would QUIT telling me about players off the pitch exploits. I don’t really see them as proper role models anyway, children should look up to their parents, coaches, and other positive adults in their lives. What Ashley Cole does in his spare time is not my business nor should it affect how he is regarded professionally.

    And, funnily enough, it seems to be the MALE commentators and sport reporters who keep bringing this crap up. Oh, that’s right, you don’t think it’s a woman’s place to commentate on sport- so let the men do that for you, dear.

    • Kristian Downer

      September 29, 2010 at 9:09 pm


      Erm i am going to say lighten up you have taken 700 words poorly written attempt at humour too seriously.


      The views expressed by the author above in no way represent the views of the author. This comment also in also in no way expresses the view of the author

      • Miami Juan

        September 29, 2010 at 9:21 pm

        Eh Kristian, are you talking about your poor attempt at humor or at Susan’s 700 words? Did you really count how many words? Perhaps you really need to work on your writing skills. My high school teacher would write reference somewhere in “Erm i am going to say lighten up you have taken 700 words poorly written attempt at humour too seriously.”

        • Kristian Downer

          September 30, 2010 at 9:26 am

          I was talking about the piece I had written, i thought that was obvious as it stated her reaction to 700 words was too serious, but lets not get into a grammar war and just admit the piece I wrote was a FAIL and not dwell on it.

  2. Miami Juan

    September 7, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Didn’t quite catch the humor in the first place, but I’m glad it was meant as a joke. Perhaps you need some work on your parody writing Kristian. Not that I could write parody or write at all. Maybe include something about Michael Jackson or Elvis. Oh, why is there pie all over my face? Didn’t even notice that, until the end of the comment section… ha ha I get it now, funny…

  3. Aaron

    September 6, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Note to any writer…

    The general public doesn’t recognize humor unless it hits them in the face with a sledgehammer.

  4. Ben Clynshaw

    September 6, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Good stuff Kris, why others take things so seriously is beyond me. This post is obviously light hearted and written in jest.

    If Cheryl was at home when Ash got back from training with his dinner on the table dressed in a sexy little number rather than galavanting around the world doing some cheesy pop contest then maybe he wouldn’t need to go elsewhere! (Also written in jest for those who wouldn’t understand).

  5. bimska78

    September 6, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    I thought it was hilarious – it seems that we’ve reached such politically correct times that nobody can take a joke anymore!!!
    More power to you to write what you want, in any parody there is always an element of truth – the media, particularly in England, are happy to build someone up to deliberately and systematically destroy them in the interest of “serving the public”!!
    It doesn’t matter if only one person “gets it”, please don’t censor yourself in your writing because of the responses on here – there’s not enough true parody and satire around anymore because people take themselves way too seriously these days
    Cheers and all the best

  6. Kristian Downer

    September 6, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    I feel i will clarify one last time.

    This article is not meant to be serious (I thought the title would make this clear), it was an attempt that has obviously failed to poke fun at both the stupidity of footballers and the media which feasts on this.

    Notably I was trying to highlight the irony that the people that fuel these stories generally do not watch football, they are only interested in what hambag the current tart on the footballers arm is wearing or who made her dress. All this despite the fact that the woman is only famous in the first place for dating the footballer that the reader knows nothing about.

    Obviously some of you felt it was a poor effort and not applicable to a football blog and well thats fair enough I am not offended.

    Occasionally I do write football stories and in future I will leave the comedy to better fellows than myself.

  7. Brad

    September 6, 2010 at 8:57 am

    So it’s not the players fault for cheating on their wives??? Eh? How was this piece even posted on the web?

  8. Kristian Downer

    September 6, 2010 at 3:14 am

    Gargoyle this was an attempt at parody that seems to have bombed.

  9. gargoyle

    September 6, 2010 at 2:22 am

    Is this parody or is this joker serious?

  10. Tim

    September 5, 2010 at 9:49 pm

    All I see is Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Join My Facebook Page. Classless.

  11. jose

    September 5, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    back in the day it was even wilder, and there wasn’t this onslaught of media.

  12. Lermio Lermasaurus

    September 5, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    dont read it if you dont care fxxkers

  13. The Fog

    September 5, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    This is a piece of crap and should be taken down!!! It has no place on this or any other website!!! Don’t try to hide behind “Ah well helped cleanse my soul of sarcasm today, so everybody wins!” This is BS!!!

  14. Kristian Downer

    September 5, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    I was bored and fed up too VillaPark, knew I should have done my non-league day follow up first.

    If the editing team here want to delete this because they feel it is innappropriate, I wont raise any objections

  15. VillaPark

    September 5, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    I usually come here to avoid this crap. Does there really need to be multiple posts regarding tabloid fodder? I know there is an international break, but I just don’t care about this.

  16. Bayou

    September 5, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Well for decades men have been clamoring for their girlfriends and wives to get interested in sports. This is definitely one way for your gal to become interested in footie, just as focusing on WAGs and what they wear can interest women.

    So really guys, blame yourselves. You wanted your lady to tacitly approve of you going to the pub to watch the match or for camping your ass on the couch for a weekend and you got it. Now you’re whining that women are interested for the “wrong” reasons? Shaddap!

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