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Manchester City Considering Twenty Million Pound Bid for Non-Existent Forward Masal Bugduv

 

mark-hughes.jpg

 Masal!  Willifred the Destroyer is open!

Manchester (AP) Manchester City, after failing to acquire AC Milan and Brazil midfielder Kaka for the proposed sum of a Gajillion pounds [Bajillion American dollars], are considering making a bid for former Arsenal target Masal Bugduv.  Mark Hughes acknowledged the extraordinarily high fee for the non-existent Moldovan forward, but remarked that, “It’s an inflated market.  We’ve already forked out 25 million quid on Tweedle Dum [defender Wayne Bridge] and Tweedle Dee [forward Craig Bellamy].  Once we found out Masal didn’t exist, we knew we’d get maybe 5 million pounds off what Arsenal might have paid for him.  City fans should see this as a great deal for the club.”

While Hughes was reticent about where exactly a non-entity would fit in his starting eleven, he acknowledged that Bugduv might be the tip of the iceberg.  “City have never had a non-existent player, although Steve Daley came close.  We might get more in if it works out.  Perhaps that bloke from Goal!, although I’m not sure Real Madrid are ready to talk transfers at the moment.”

Fans were excited at the news, particularly in the wake of Kaka’s rejection of the Gajillion pound fee.  “This is the future,” said one man outside City of Manchester Stadium, arm dangled in the air around an imaginary friend he identified as ‘Willifred the Destroyer.’  “No actual megastars seem to want to sign here, so made-up players are the next best thing.  Willifred’s agent is actually in talks with the club.  We’re gobsmacked.”

FIFA President Sepp Blatter denounced the move, remarking that immaterial footballers “…should be drawn from the league’s national ranks. What about Roy Race?  He’s off languishing in the lower leagues while Moldova is deprived of their favourite fake son.”  And while there’s been no official word from Bugduv’s agent, several comments resembling AP wire stories popped up on various fansites confirming his interest.  If acquired, Bugduv would almost certainly replace City forward Darius Vassell.

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27 Comments

27 Comments

  1. dioforce

    January 26, 2009 at 12:29 am

    The most fascinating bit of literature I read on this page was the usages of “puerile” in the first comment. Richard, instead of dogmatically, steadfastedly, and other brilliant words I could conjure at will, defending yourself and your trite bull, why not take a step back and consider accepting some criticism.

  2. Josh

    January 22, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    As a Hull supporter, I have no feelings towards City, and I still think this bit was tasteless and amateur-ish. We come to this site for news, not for one man's attempt at comedy.

  3. Alex Z

    January 21, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    And before any smartass mentions it, I know “sites” should have been “site's.” Don't cry.

  4. Alex Z

    January 21, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Richard, don't listen to these cynics! I thought it was funny, given that a fake player probably would have done more to help M. City than Kaka anyway, and for a fitieth of the price (in my world, 1 Gajillion/20 Million = 50. Don't ask how)! It was at least clever.

    To the rest of you: I know this is that decivilizing medium known as “the internet,” but have some courtesy. Not only did he try to do something most of you would never dream of doing (let alone being able to do properly), he's actually literate and gets through an entire post with no significant grammatical or spelling errors, which is more than can be said for the vast majority of this sites clientele.

  5. PW

    January 21, 2009 at 11:42 am

    Fair comment although it could have been worse I could have called you an “estate agent” now that would have been an insult!!

    In relation to your previous comment I didn't call you a toilet cleaner I suggested you should take up work as toilet cleaners apprentice, there is a difference and you shouldn't get ideas above your station!

    Also I do take back the comment about you not being funny as I have to say on re-reading it the bit about Steve Daley was funny and I would challenge any fellow blue to disagree with that.

  6. Richard Whittall

    January 21, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Fair enough PW, but I would only take issue with being called a 'journalist.' This was a fake news bit meant to highlight Hughes' precarious situation in the transfer market. Any non-City fans who thought this was absolute drivel from c*nt and a c*ck (a tranny?) who is also a toilet cleaner, please feel free to pipe up.

  7. PW

    January 21, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Richard, whether this was meant as a wind up or not is irrelevant as the reality is it is journalism of the poorest quality, badly constructed and certainly not funny at any level.

    As a City fan of 40 years I can assure you that the real life soap opera that is Manchester City and our inane ability to shoot ourselves in the foot at every opportunity is much, much funnier than the drivel you have published here.

    Can I suggest that before you turn your attention to the rest of the league (as threatened above) you first gain an understanding of what constitutes comedy as your article appears to show a huge lack of any such understanding.

    Finally one last tip for you, in future when you have written what you believe to be a funny article read to someone and if they laugh then go for it, if they don’t then get the message “YOU ARE NOT FUNNY”

  8. Deerstalker

    January 21, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Yes Lancet, brilliant. You obviously have your head somewhere sky blue to be unable to appreciate it. As for my age, well, judging by the inability of most City fans making a post on this, to be able to articulate a thought without resorting to the basest of language, I'd say they are the children, wouldn't you?

  9. Richard Whittall

    January 21, 2009 at 9:23 am

    Sorry it wasn't funny, Graham. Let's just say I now know how Barry Glendenning feels…

    To the rest, I'll just say in my day 'puerile' meant calling a total stranger the c-word…

  10. Brian

    January 21, 2009 at 8:23 am

    City fans. They curse when they're vulnerable.

  11. Lancet Fluke

    January 21, 2009 at 7:52 am

    You think this is brilliant? Seriously? Are you 8 years old or just mentally ill?

  12. Lancet Fluke

    January 21, 2009 at 7:50 am

    Well we can hardly wait if it is all going to be as witty and intelligent as this. Cock!

  13. Graham

    January 21, 2009 at 7:36 am

    I don't think it was meant as a wind up, but unfortunately it isn't funny. Spare the rest of the league please for everyones sake.

  14. Manc blue

    January 21, 2009 at 7:35 am

    Jesus wept, the fact u yank twats call it the EPL is a joke in its self, do us all a favour n go and start another war with a country u will never defeat, now thats what i call a “laughing stock”.

  15. Richard Whittall

    January 21, 2009 at 7:24 am

    Wow! Well, I didn't really intend this as a wind up, but mission accomplished. Don't worry City fans, I'll get round to the rest of the league in good time.

  16. Deerstalker

    January 21, 2009 at 7:09 am

    Well I think it's brilliant. Although City don't actually need articles like this to become a laughing stock – they can do that quite adequately on their own.

  17. Baconface likes little boys

    January 21, 2009 at 6:54 am

    If this is the future of comedic writing we're all doomed. Without a doubt one of the saddest things i've every read, i seriously hope the guy who retardedly mashed onto his keyboard to write this isn't getting paid for this because if he/her/it is then the owners of this website need to pull their pants up coz your getting royally f**ked!

    The only thing this rag clown has accomplished here with this bit of bumfluffery is to confirm what a lot of blues already know…. they scared!!….ouch – that hurts doesn't it!!

    It scares the rags & probably the rest of the premier league because l'il ol City may well spoil the party and gatecrash the skysports sponsored “big four”…. th rags don't likie it for obviously reasons but the added bomus for blues is that they don't have a penny to their name!…£880m in debt and counting boys! tick tock tick tock

  18. Cockpisspartridge

    January 21, 2009 at 6:37 am

    WHAT A FUCKING BUNCH OF FUCKING CUNTS

  19. Mario

    January 21, 2009 at 6:37 am

    Yes very funny!!, you have written an article on a player that doesnt exist, tell me again mark hughes usually does badly in the transfer market doesnt he? oh no thats right hes actually quite good.

    by the way your banner states daily news and analysis from the English Premier league, yet this crock of shit isnt actually a story is it???
    i dont know maybe your bored as there is no real city news maybe you had to write it whilst taking a shit as you were late for school this morning, or maybe your just a cunt!!!

    EPL News would like to announce the signing of richard whittall supposed writer of comedy and general all round wit(except that doesnt exsist either does it??)

  20. Cockpisspartridge

    January 21, 2009 at 6:36 am

    Richard Shittall We'll buy your website & burn it Buy your website & burn it down…..

    Apologies East Standers

  21. Cockpisspartridge

    January 21, 2009 at 6:35 am

    Yep they are Americans fucking tools

  22. bob

    January 21, 2009 at 6:33 am

    what the fuck?! how long did it take you to type all this one-handed?

  23. PW

    January 21, 2009 at 6:33 am

    Get a life for gods sake. Firstly Manchester City are responsible for all the ills in the world and now muppets like you are getting paid for producing drivel like this. You are quite obviously not a journalist so why not get a job more fitting to your qualifications i.e. toilet cleaners apprentice.

  24. B

    January 21, 2009 at 6:33 am

    pathetic, you need to get a job, and a life

  25. Dom

    January 21, 2009 at 6:32 am

    Patheric childish twaddle.

    Have you no proper football news. What a waste of space you lot are.

  26. Cockpisspartride

    January 21, 2009 at 6:31 am

    Fucking retards Are you Americans ?

  27. Lancet Fluke

    January 21, 2009 at 6:26 am

    The sad thing is that you actually think this puerile shite is funny. You are what is techinically known as a bunch of utter c*nts.

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