From Fred’s opening match flop to Arjen Robben’s repeated feigning against Mexico, the 2014 World Cup has had its share of dives.
Who better, then, to judge these theatrical tumbles than skydiving experts and part-time football enthusiasts, GoSkydive?
The tandem-jump specialists, based in Salisbury, UK, have put their skydiving knowhow to the test to come up with a definitive list of their favourite dive types, dubbing it “Diving Divas”.
Each distinct tumble has been analysed in skydiving terms; perhaps regular parachutists out there will recognise a few of these.
I won’t go through all of them – the entire list can be found at www.goskydive.com/fifa-world-cup-2014-diving-divas – but here are a few notable entries.
First up is “The Wa-hey”, which GoSkydive have described as “That moment when you’re about to land and your instructor is all calm and you’re still screaming with your eyes closed not knowing you’ve touched down.”
For the benefit of skydiving novices, they’ve helpfully likened this one to Fred’s aforementioned spill. The infamous episode saw him collapse backwards, as if yanked down by a phantom tug. Referee Yuichi Nishimura *fell* for it (pardon the pun), and the resulting spot-kick saw Brazil squeak past Croatia.
Despite having never skydived (or is that skydove?), I can safely say GoSkydive have stuck the landing on this one. There seemed to be lots of screaming and eye-closing by Brazil’s number 9. And plenty of arm-flailing, for good measure, possibly for style points.
Another favourite is the “We Weren’t Ready Yet!”
Featuring a flopping Paul Pogba, GoSkydive claim it’s akin to “That moment when you’re pushed out the plane and you weren’t quite ready – and your mate isn’t too happy about it either!” Accordingly, Pogba’s face is a picture of disgruntled alarm.
Ranked number seven was the “You’re not coming in, son”, which I found rather strange.
The description read “You’ve spent hours, days perfecting your act, only to flop and be shown the door”, which doesn’t really have anything to do with simulation, or even parachuting, for that matter. It is, however, a perfect description of England’s World Cup.
At #4 we have the “Banana Split”, which apparently is typified by “The look of horror when you realise you’ve nearly done the splits and are wearing yellow….You know the banana split jokes are coming!”
This is accompanied by a photo of Marcelo’s laughably cynical simulation attempt against Mexico. Bedecked in yellow, with legs splayed apart, the Brazilian’s facial expression ably demonstrates what an uncomfortable diving position this is, just in case there were any doubts.
Finally, in top spot, exemplifying a “flawless technique” is Robin van Persie. Referring to his famous diving header against Spain, GoSkydive describe the Dutchman as “oozing confidence, gliding through the air…”
But alas, this perfect form is beyond mere mortals, they say, adding “…then you wake up!”
Technically it wasn’t a ‘dive’, but nevertheless I think it’s fair to say it justifies its #1 ranking.
Disagree? Think GoSkydive have missed any? Let them know by sending your best World Cup dives to @GoSkydive with hashtag #DivingDivas