I am going through the process of learning German and while finding the toilet is always nice, it really doesn’t help when it comes to the reason I want to learn the language: Fußball. So here are seven random words for you who don’t know German to learn. You will come across them on occasion. And if not written by me, there’s a good chance they will be used properly.
1. Tor) This is a goal and the name of the definitive English language book on the German game by Uli Hesse-Lichtenberger. Hertha Berlin’s sensitive fans need not learn the word as it a fairly meaningless concept to them, like teaching a dog the word for galaxy. Sure they can look up and see one in the sky, but when your biggest thrill is smelling your own crack, there’s little point.
2. Hinrunde/Rückrunde) The Bundesliga is split evenly by a very long winter break. So the first 17 games are called the Hinrunde. The second half of the season is the Rückrunde. The winter break is just called “Annoying”.
3. Meisterschaft) Championship! An approximation of the compound word is top team, although it works equally well in a cruder translation for Bayern Munich as they are a bunch of cock monkeys (schaft has the same connotation in English and German).
4. Dreierkette) This is a defense with a three-man back-line. Why is this important? Because it was the standard until, a then 40 year old, Ralf Rangnick introduced a flat back four to the Bundesliga. It is called the Veierkette and Klinsmann has been known to club baby seals at it’s uttering.
5. Jack Wolfskin) This is literally a crazy man living in the Black Forest who is into skinning wolves and self-promotion. Okay….it’s a sporting good’s chain that you see advertised everywhere. But admit it, you wanted to believe my story.
6. Punkte) Points! But many KSC supporters will feel that Ashton Kushter is Punkte-ng them at the moment.
7. Torschützenkönig) While Torjäger means goal scorer and you will see tables referring to the top goal tally under the banner of that name, the title at season’s end is called Torschützenkönig. It’s also a term that roughly translates into “Nice job, but you ain’t Gerd fucking Muller, are you?”