If Premier League Clubs Were Rock Bands


If your Premier League club was a rock band, which rock band would it be?

Would your favorite club be The Rolling Stones with a bunch of players over the hill? Or perhaps they’re more like Foreigner with the lack of Englishmen in their starting lineup?

  • Arsenal – The Gunners used to be on top of the world, but no matter how gifted they are, they still feel like REM to me. Lots of talent but they’re never going to be as big as they once were.
  • Aston Villa – Martin O’Neill, himself from Northern Ireland, would feel right at home with The Undertones, the Northern Irish band best known for the song “Teenage Kicks.” While they’re not teenagers, Villa has plenty of youth talent such as Ashley Young, James Milnar, Isaiah Osbourne and Curtis Davies.
  • Blackburn Rovers – The heavy metal sound of Motorhead is a perfect accompaniment to Blackburn’s rough and tumble style of play. It makes you wonder if Motorhead’s “Ace Up Your Sleeve” tour was named for Blackburn’s own “ace,” aging striker Robbie Fowler.
  • Bolton Wanderers – It’s appropriate that Bolton is synonymous with Metallica. “Enter Sandman” is an appropriate title for watching Bolton apply their physical tactics which can quickly become boring to watch.
  • Chelsea – If the Blues move from Stamford Bridge to Battersea, then Pink Floyd would be the best resemblance to Chelsea. But if a move isn’t on the cards, then the closest thing to the Chelsea of the 1970’s would be the Sex Pistols, who routinely hung out at boutique shops on the trendy Kings Road near Chelsea’s home.
  • Fulham – While not a rock band per se, Blur’s bass player Alex James is a massive Fulham supporter.
  • Everton – The most famous rock star synonymous with Everton is the one and only Paul McCartney, a self-confessed Toffees supporter.
  • Hull City – What do Hull City and Faith No More have in common? One hit wonders.
  • Liverpool – Most neutral fans continue to be awestruck by the amazing football anthems that emanate from Anfield stadium on Merseyside. The only rock band that gets strangers singing as much as Liverpool fans do is Queen, creator of several rock anthems. Plus, like Liverpool, they were big in the late seventies and early eighties.
  • Manchester City – With a song called “Champagne Supernova,” who else but Oasis would be a perfect fit for City, especially since the band members are already massive fans.
  • Manchester United – There are few football clubs who are as big worldwide and as polished as U2. It often seems that they can’t do any wrong. Alex Ferguson is Bono, saying whatever he wants whenever he feels like it. Both United and U2 seem indestructible.
  • Middlesbrough – Middlesbrough supporter and rocker Chris Rea is best known for the aptly named single “The Road To Hell.”
  • Newcastle United – Did AC/DC lead singer Brian Johnson pick Newcastle as his favorite team, or was it the other way around? AC/DC’s song titles seem made for Newcastle United. Consider “It’s A Long Way To The Top,” “Ballbreaker” (a tribute to Joey Barton?), “Moneytalks” (Mike Ashley), “Highway to Hell” and “The Razors Edge” (on the precipice of relegation).
  • Portsmouth – The Pompey squad features seven Frenchmen, and players from Cameroon (Lauren), Iceland (Hermann Hreiðarsson ), Senegal (Papa Bouba Diop), Nigeria (John Utaka and Kanu), Croatia (Niko Kranj?ar), Scotland (Richard Hughes ), Wales (Richard Duffy), Mali (Djimi Traoré), Ireland (Marc Wilson) and Canada (Asmir Begovic). If Portsmouth was a rock band, they’d be Motley Crue.
  • Stoke City – When you think of Stoke’s Rory Delap, you have to think Cheap Trick.
  • Sunderland – If Sunderland was a rock band, it’d be the Eurythmics fronted by guitarist and Sunderland supporter Dave Stewart.
  • Tottenham Hotspur – Genesis’s lead singer and drummer Phil Collins is reportedly a massive Spurs fan.
  • West Bromwich Albion – Tony Mowbray’s side this season hasn’t been playing like worldbeaters, but they have the world’s greatest guitarists, Eric Clapton, as one of their fans. Clapton played a concert for skipper John Wile’s testimonial year back in 1982 and draped an Albion scarf across his guitar on the back sleeve of his album “Backless.”
  • West Ham United – Any investor considering a buy-out of West Ham United should heed the song title “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden whose band leader Steve Harris is a massive Hammers fan.
  • Wigan Athletic – It’s only fitting that the best known band from Wigan, The Verve, have a discography with an album titled “A Northern Soul” and song titles such as “Lucky Man” and “Bitter Sweet Symphony.” “Lucky Man” could have been written about Paul Jewell after he helped the club escape relegation. And the chorus of “Bitter Sweet Symphony” with the lyrics “I can’t change, I can’t change” could sum up the mood of the town of Wigan who seem rooted to their rugby league roots instead of coming out in droves to watch their local football team.

12 thoughts on “If Premier League Clubs Were Rock Bands”

  1. The Gooner diss was sort of uncalled for, and and time you mention music and West Ham you MUST include the Cockney Rejects. You know Cockney, what you call West Ham supporters.

  2. great idea, but i think you got a bit lazy on some of the entries, linking clubs to indivdiauls just because they're supporters. surely you could have linked the way a team plays to the sound of some band out there!

    this entry sits below the one about premiership clubs and american cities. that one was damn alright!

  3. Good point Fergus, but I won't lie to you, it was bloody hard coming up with this list for some of the teams. So many Premier League teams play like one another. Feel free to post suggestions if can think of better bands.

    The Gaffer

  4. I prefer insight into soccer on American television as opposed to arbitrary, forced analogies. I will maintain my RSS bookmark…

  5. Arsenal = Radiohead. Ahead of their times, brilliant quality, yet lacking in awards. And mostly misunderstood by the masses.

  6. Tottenham=Genisis……we are anything but cookie cutter

    and Bob Marley was a fan of ours, which is much more significant that Phil Collins

    But if we were going to be any band (other than Chaz and Dave) it would be Chumbawumba before they went folk, because you just have no clue what is going to happen on the next song in the album. And they are anarchists and God knows we seem invite the chaos.

  7. yeah hull really are one hit wonders arent they, nearly half way through the season and sitting in 6th, but nah course we're one hit wonders!!! jesus!!!

  8. Hmmmm, Chelsea with all their big bucks hardly strike me as a punk band… Funny article though. Also, Spurs should be Slayer. Because they fucking slay.

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