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die Tabelle lügen nicht! (International Break Edition)

kevin kuranyi die Tabelle lügen nicht! (International Break Edition)
Please click on picture to see all the caricatures of German footballers from Pit Hammanns

Hamburg SV
The Dinosaurs face Schalke in the most intriguing game of the weekend. They have lost three of the last four matches against the Royal Blues at Nordbank. Chances for this weekend’s game don’t seem great with Nigel de Jong out with knee problems and Marcell Jansen out six weeks with a muscle tear.

TSG Hoffenheim
With success comes rumor. Vedad Ibesevic is being targeted by Tottenham Hotspur. Why the Bosnian, who is the only success story from the MLS developmental system, would want to play in the second division in England is the question I would ask.

Stuttgart
Just as Sami Khedira looked ready to make the attacking mid position his own, he tweaks his ankle in the U21 draw with France and will be sidelined for three weeks.

Bayer Leverkusen
Guess who has a €20 million release clause in his contract? He is also Germany’s new #1. I’ve been saying that Adler will eventually become of the most expensive keepers in the world. I wonder if Bayern or United are willing to test this clause and prove me right.

Schalke 04
Not content with Rafinha being the biggest douche at die Knappen, Kevin Kuranyi’s antics against Russia have him poised to challenge the Brazilian in classlessness. However, here’s the kicker! His national team form has been so non-existent, that nobody cares. In fact, for most fans of the Mannschaft, they just learned he was still being called up by Löw. If a tree falls in the woods, as the saying goes.

Borussia Dortmund
West Brom Albion is rumored to be after Marc-Andre Kruska. They must have been impressed with his marginal performance against France midweek. Perhaps they mixed him up with Kringe and heard about his four goal outburst this week against FC Herdecke/Ende. Perhaps they should check that it’s a 9th division team and the final score was 25-0.

Werder Bremen
They lose Martin Harnik, Daniel Jansen and Markus Rosenborg to injury for the important clash against Dortmund this weekend. In addition, Per Mertesacker is serving the second of his three game suspensions. With Naldo and Prödl as the central pairing, Valdez has been smiling all week.

Hertha Berlin
In a good bit of news, Lucio’s knee is recovering and he could play by the new year. In a bit of bad news, Arne Freidrich wants a lot of money, and more Nutella, to stay, and the Old Lady could be soon selling their captain.

Wolfsburg
Cristian Zaccardo tore a ligament in his right ankle during a friendly match against Furth. And thus, you have the only news on the Bundesliga’s biggest summer flop so far this season.

FC Köln
If they win at Cottbus, they will have 13 points and be in the top half of the table a quarter of the way through the season. Not a bad return to the Bundesliga for the Billy Goats. With the likes of Petit and Geromel, they should be safe from relegation worries.

Bayern Munich
Okay, can we please stop with the Jurgen in lederhosen pictures? We get it. He’s a joke at the moment.

Karlsruhe
A win at home this Saturday, and Edmund Becker’s side can go above Bayern Munich in the standings. Then again a draw and a win at Frankfurt midweek would do the same thing, and KSC could kill off two managers in a span of five days.

Hannover 96
While Enke’s injury has seriously dented his hopes of tying down the #1 role for the Mannschaft; it is truly going to play havoc for trainer Dieter Hecking, who is above the relegation zone mainly due to his captain’s exploits between the sticks.

Bochum
Was their comeback against Bayern about their ability or Bayern’s ineptness? A home match on Friday against Gladbach should help sort that out. Personally, I think it’s a little of both and it’s time we started paying attention to Dennis Grote.

Arminia Bielefeld
Someone better learn to keep the ball in midfield or Josue is going to have them for lunch this weekend.

Energie Cottbus
Seriously, I’ve got nothing.

Eintracht Frankfurt
They face five games in sixteen days as they face Bochum in the Madonna match midweek and next week is an English week, with a full slate of midweek games. Three of their opponents during this span include Cottbus, Gladbach and KSC, so Funkel’s position should be either safe or gone by the 2nd of November. With CEO Heribert Bruchhagen now faced with fan ire, anything less than 8 points will most likely see the manager fired.

Borussia Mönchengladbach
Who do you call upon when you are in a relegation dogfight? A man with experience! In Gladbach’s case it’s the return of the entertaining Hans Meyer, who was last seen taking Nuremburg to the Zweite. However his C.V. includes keeping Hertha afloat in their 2004 flirtation with the drop and, of course, gaining the once mighty giants reentry into the top flight after the unthinkable in 1999.